today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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