ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize