We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize