they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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