Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize