It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
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It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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