how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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