I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this just has baby written all over it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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