My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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