I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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