Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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