Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
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I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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