Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
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Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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