girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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