I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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