I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize