hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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