I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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