So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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