dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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