Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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