if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Four minutes until I can fart!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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