Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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