The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize