No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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