So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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