i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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