Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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