what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
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it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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