remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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