well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize