U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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