It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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