Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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