OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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