Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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