question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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