a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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