franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize