I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
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You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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