It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sober January is a disaster.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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