Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize