I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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