I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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