I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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