this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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