I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
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I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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