did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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