I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize