My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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